Kevin & Grant came up to my room today while I was being lazy as fuck and handed me Clement’s book in hardcover. They said they bought their own copy and this one was for me. It was weird.
Why have I gotten so bad at expressing myself? Everything is just weird. I feel like I’m saying a lot already when I say something is weird or I utter an I don’t know.
I don’t know.
Hahahahah. Anyway I love my friends. All of them. I loved belting out Disney songs with Tomoko & Jess walking home today. Being in the living room with Sherri & Kelly. And just sitting with the guys, getting shit from them, or having deep talks. These are the moments you feel yourself growing in between all of the other expectant experiences.
I am so happy on the inside. I feel my rib cage expanding with this restored&stronger faith in the world, life, and myself and it gets bigger when I look and interact with all the people I’m surrounded by. But knowing that also came at the cost of losing people that I loved, needed, and will never stop wanting back…I can feel the heaviness behind that, too.
But at the end of the day. Even if I can’t vocalize anything anymore and am really awkward (more so) about how to deal with things… All anyone can and should do is take a deep breath and make that price worth paying.